When it comes to rules and regulations, Jewish law is in no short supply. The Torah and Talmud contain a cornucopia of commandments and a plethora of prohibitions on a wide variety of topics and in varying degrees of details. Often the discussions dive deep into bottomless cups of minutiae so ingenious in their complexity that they leave learners in confused awe. There is one topic, however, that receives relatively little attention: the Jewish diet.

Granted, the Torah and Talmud have plenty to say about what a Jew MAY and MAY NOT eat. For example, Jews may not eat oysters (they lack fins and scales) but Jews may eat oyster crackers (assuming it has a hechsher). Jews may not eat doves but they may eat a Dove bar (assuming it has a hechsher). Jews may not eat ham but they may eat hamburgers (especially the “Impossible” kind). Jew may not eat horse but they may eat horseradish. Jews also may not eat bugs but may drink bug juice (the summer camp kind). Jews may not eat camels (they chew their cud but lack split hooves) but Jews may smoke Camel cigarettes. (However, if you value your life, do not smoke them in front of your overly-protective Jewish mother because, ironically, she will kill you just for doing something that might eventually kill you.) Of course, Jews may eat both duck and duck sauce. Jews also may eat buffalo (technically kosher) and buffalo wings. (Who knew that buffalo fly?)

These and other laws of kashrut draw clear lines in the sand between what is and is not permissible to consume. It is a binary distinction with no or very little grey area. That said, there are instances wherein parts of a particular animal are kosher while other parts of the same animal are not. For example, while many parts of a cow are kosher, the hind-quarters (a fancy way of referring to the cow’s behind) are not. Such hindquarters restrictions do not apply to certain other animals. For example, a chicken’s behind is fair game for fried chicken and a tuna’s tush is terrific for tartare.

The laws of kashrut, however, do not tell Jews what they SHOULD and SHOULD NOT eat. The laws do not pass judgment on fitness or make health recommendations. The laws arguably imply that if something is kosher, then you may eat it as often or as little as you choose (unless it’s a fast day or Passover). The Torah and Talmud do not delve into things like saturated fat, trans fat, cholesterol, sugar and sodium content per serving. They seem to assume that Jews will figure out portion control through trial and error. On that front, here are some practical guidelines:

It probably is not a good idea to dip your celery sticks in schmaltz (chicken fat) because it will instantly render the celery unhealthy. Conversely, adding celery to your schmaltz will not make your schmaltz less unhealthy.

It probably is not a good idea to eat a meaty cholent at every meal. It also is not a good idea to use the family crockpot as your personal cholent bowl.

It probably is not a good idea to sprinkle your oatmeal with gribenes (fried chicken skins). Doing so will transform your oatmeal into bloat-meat.

It is probably not a good idea to make kishke (beef intestine) a staple of your diet. It is definitely not a good idea to make staples a staple of your diet.

It probably is not a good idea to routinely consume p’tcha (pickled calves feet). It is a good idea to abstain in general from eating feet.

It probably is not a good idea to eat rugelach for breakfast, babka for lunch and hamantaschen for dinner. It also is not a good idea to brush your teeth with Nutella.

It probably is not a good idea to devour a triple decker deli sandwich of bologna, salami and tongue. However, it is a good idea to ask whether eating an animal’s tongue sounds reasonable, even if the menu is offering it and your grandfather loves it.

It probably is not a good idea to gobble up fried potato latkes or fried sufganiyot (jelly doughnuts). Truth be told, fried kale may not be a stellar idea. In fact, even a fried multi-purpose vitamin might do more harm than good.

It probably is not a good idea to wolf down copious amounts of chocolate chip challah. Actually, the same applies to any edible item whose name begins with “chocolate chip.”

Final thought: You are what you eat so avoid eating deviled eggs or devil’s food cake. Stick with angel hair pasta and angel delight.

By Jon Kranz