I bet you have a running list of shoulds in your head. Do any of these statements sound familiar?
“I should tackle my closet once and for all.”
“I should get dressed for the day even though I feel like staying in my yoga clothes.”
“I should figure out why I can’t seem to get out the door without leaving the bed piled high with rejects.”
“I should figure out what I’m doing with those suits I used to wear to work.”
“I should be able to put a decent outfit together by now.”
“I should get those shoe repairs done so I can wear them again.”
Feel free to substitute the word should with have to, need to or ought to. Any way you say it, it sounds like a stomachache that’s ready to ruin your mood.
Things may not be the way you’d like them to be, but talking to yourself like you’re “less than” for not having it all together, or comparing yourself to seemingly perfect images on Pinterest or Instagram is not going to help anything.
When you look underneath the “should” statement, do you see a desire? Do you have a desire for ease, time for yourself or pleasure? Remove the shoulds and focus on the desire.
“I’d like more order in my closet.”
“I’d like a few well-put-together outfits.”
“I’d like to wear these shoes again.”
“I’d like to find someone who’d appreciate those suits I don’t use anymore.”
“I’d like to feel great about how I look outside of yoga class.”
With “shoulds” in your rear-view mirror, let’s move in the direction of satisfying your desires.
Here are a few guidelines to keep in mind: Keep your expectations low so your successes have a chance of showing up. Before you have a closet of put-together outfits, you need to start with just one. Can you give yourself the gift of time, and create one outfit using an item you love wearing? One outfit equals success. Keep your focus on this desire to have ready-to-go outfits. Next week you could create two outfits. Do you see how they’re going to add up?
If you have shoes or handbags that need repair, your first small step would be to put them in a bag or box and take them to your car. You’re already one step closer to being able to wear them again! On another day, drop them off at your local shoe repair shop. Easy does it. In a week or so you’ll pick them up. What joy it will be to have them back in your closet and ready to wear!
If much of your closet is devoted to clothes that don’t suit your lifestyle anymore, you’ll benefit from removing them so you can focus on what you can be wearing right now. Maybe your first step is deciding where you’ll take clothes you don’t use. How about a women’s shelter, or an organization that helps others get back into the workforce? That first decision is powerful; it will create the momentum to bundle items up and take them to your car. Thinking about the win-win this will mean to you and the charity you’re helping out will give you the energy to follow through.
Are there other desires on your list? Maybe there are things that I can help you with. Having an experienced professional at your side who is compassionate and understanding is one of the best ways to practice self-care. I can help you realize your dreams of ease, time for yourself and pleasure in getting dressed. Give me a call and we’ll take that first step together.
Tehillah is a New York City-based image consultant, closet editor and personal shopper and is available for private consultations. Call 929-265-2156 or email [email protected] Be sure to connect with up2date on social media for more styling tips, event info and other fun things: Instagram @up2date_nyc, Facebook: up2datenyc. To sign up for our monthly newsletter go to www.up2date.nyc/subscribe.